Monday 9 May 2011

But First…


Apathetic Z particle wanted to start a Movement. The Movement which Apathetic Z particle wanted to start was this: The Movement Away From, Not The Movement Towards.
            But first… she had a cup of tea. Having drained the dregs, Apathetic Z particle was stunned by the message of the tea-leaves: “Wrong movement, you monumental idiot! What? You’re trying to kill yourself? Think again, Apathetic. Think again.” On reflection, Apathetic expected that the second think again was probably just her reading the same tea-leaf twice. Or was it? Tea leaves could be very insistent with their often uncannily accurate predictions.
             Apathetic Z particle still wanted to start a Movement. This time, the Movement which Apathetic Z particle wanted to start was this: The Movement From Side-to-Side, Not The Movement Up-and-Down.
            But first… she sliced a live chicken in half. As the entrails slithered onto the ground, Apathetic was horrified to read their message out of the corner of her eye: “Wrong again, bumble-brain. You think the assassins of Bulgaria are that slow? Do some research. Honestly.” She stood and thought: chicken’s entrails; how often are they inaccurate? Quite. Time for another re-think.
            Fortunately, Persistent was one of Apathetic Z particle’s middle names.
           
Time for a narrative detour.

When Apathetic Z particle’s parents had been struggling for names to call her, Granny Z particle had suggested that they look in a Dictionary of Names. Apathetic Z particle’s parents thought that the Dictionary of Names was too limiting and had instead bought an Oxford English Dictionary.
            Apathetic’s parents had had a field day when engaging in the nomenclature of their first and only child, which ended up as follows: Apathetic Biting-Midge Calamitous Dialectical-Materialism Endowment-Mortgages Flutter Good-For-Nothing Herbaceous Persistent Intertextually Joking-Apart Kettledrum Linen Mary Nauseatingly Persistent Quintessentially Ricocheting Singularities Tabernacle Unquotable Vinaigrette Warrant-Officer X-Rated Yearbook Z particle.
            “We’ve named all of our daughters at once!” exclaimed Apathetic’s mother as she ectomied her husband’s vas in between taking gasps of entonox during the labour.

End of narrative detour.

Apathetic Z particle still wanted to start a Movement. This time, the Movement which Apathetic Z particle wanted to start was this: The Movement Round-and-Round, Not The Movement In-and-Out.
            But first… she played fifty-two card pick-up with a Tarot deck. “We did try and warn you!” they shouted at her, as the ceiling fell on her head. “The movement Out-of-the-House, Not The Movement Within-the-House,” thought Apathetic Z particle, as she lay dead on the kitchen floor. “How disappointingly prosaic.”

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